Another Dream & Wishs

      For years now I have had dreams and ideas for a story in my head. I have tryed to write them down but I never could. I don't know how to start a story and my spelling sucks!! I can't read very well and the word and letters get mixed up in my head. A few mouth ago when I was feeling good about myself like I could get out of here and go to Alaska I started writing a story line but the more I wrote more I knew that I could never write a book or a movie I wish could but even if I did I'm not a people person I could not go and promote it. So how would I get it out there? I think it would be a bad ass movie or book!! I hinted around about it to my sister but I know she would not want to do it I can't even get her to read it. I read some of it to my brother in-law but it was late and he just want to go to bed. So I stop. I got some of the who, what, when, where and how but I am stuck and don't know what to do. I think I try again and whet more I can put to this story line.  

My Dream and Wish are gone!!

             

              Well I know that my dream of moving to Alaska and having 3 Husky's will never happen!! I truly thought that I was going to be able to do it I see the truth now and I hate it! I am stuck here in this place. A place where I fear my so call mom will show up at my door at anytime, or at the doctor office! I don't want to see her I don't want anything to do with her!! And the heat I can not stand it alot of times I feel like I am in hell I want out! But I have so much fear now. I fear talking to people even calling people, fear going anywhere even down the street to get a taco. Talking to people face to face is really hard because of my teeth all I can think about is if they are looking at my teeth and if they are they are thinking that I am I junky and I not I have stayed away from drugs I don't even drink anymore. And I know I am feeling sorry for myself but I can't stop. Talking about feeling sorry for myself the only things I have to my name is a Tv that is going out, dvd's I don't even have a bed I sleep on a couch that hurts my back my is always hurting because of it. I can't stop smoking so I can't have a phone. I don't see me being able to get my teeth fix. I don't know what to do!!!! I am pretty sure that I will not be able to be online after Sept 25. My niece is the only reason I stay here on earth that I am to scared to do it (so don't worry I not going to do anything) I was babysitting for a friend but she was paying me like $3.00 a day for 2 kids. When I told my aunt she was so pissed off she is the one who told me that she was only paying $3.00 a day I stop then school started.

      My sister started talking about moving to Colorado that even sound better then here but I don't see it happening at least not for me! It sounds so beautiful there! I don't saying I am not lazy but that is not why I can't work I get so scared around people and I have a learning disability my highest grade level is 6th don't get me wrong I made it to 11th grade. I dropped out because the fear and they took some of my credits way because two different state two different ways they do the credits it pissed me off so I drop out that and the fear! Well I am stopping here. And again I know I am feeling sorry for myself I just had to get this out!! I pretty sure no one is going to read this but I got it out! For anyone who reads this thank you for listen or reading!  
     

My Dream!

For I think it has a few years that I have be thinking about moving to a small town in Alaska. In the past few or more mouths that is all I can think about I really really want to move there more then anything even life!! I am scared because I know it will never happen!
I have be dreaming want it would be like but it is just a dream even if I get to go it might not happen like I dreamed! I dream of finding a small town where everybody knows body and they care about each other! They don't care what color you are!! They don't treat you like shit because you have Mental Illness and a Learning Disorder. I find a house that I can walk to the Store, and the Doctors Office. A house with a yard and a tall fence so I can get my dream Siberian Husky with blue eyes! 1 male name TB A female name Holly may 1 or 2 more females A black and white, A brown and white, a gray and white all with masks. I am happy and I feel safe. And it is not so hot!!!
I know this is just a dream but I really with I can live it. I love Texas but it is to hot and alot of the people where I live are rube and mean they see that you have a Mental Illness or a Learning Disorder they think you are a crack head ( I don't do hard drugs I hate them I grow up around it and know what it does to the person and the people around them) or they think you are weak and a easy target to push around and take their angry out on all because they had a bad day or have no life of their own. I am always tiered and sick to my stonach. I don't want to broke my word to my brother but I don't know how much I can take of this anymore!!!!!