For years now I have had dreams and ideas for a story in my head. I have tryed to write them down but I never could. I don't know how to start a story and my spelling sucks!! I can't read very well and the word and letters get mixed up in my head. A few mouth ago when I was feeling good about myself like I could get out of here and go to Alaska I started writing a story line but the more I wrote more I knew that I could never write a book or a movie I wish could but even if I did I'm not a people person I could not go and promote it. So how would I get it out there? I think it would be a bad ass movie or book!! I hinted around about it to my sister but I know she would not want to do it I can't even get her to read it. I read some of it to my brother in-law but it was late and he just want to go to bed. So I stop. I got some of the who, what, when, where and how but I am stuck and don't know what to do. I think I try again and whet more I can put to this story line.
Well I know that my dream of moving to Alaska and having 3 Husky's will never happen!! I truly thought that I was going to be able to do it I see the truth now and I hate it! I am stuck here in this place. A place where I fear my so call mom will show up at my door at anytime, or at the doctor office! I don't want to see her I don't want anything to do with her!! And the heat I can not stand it alot of times I feel like I am in hell I want out! But I have so much fear now. I fear talking to people even calling people, fear going anywhere even down the street to get a taco. Talking to people face to face is really hard because of my teeth all I can think about is if they are looking at my teeth and if they are they are thinking that I am I junky and I not I have stayed away from drugs I don't even drink anymore. And I know I am feeling sorry for myself but I can't stop. Talking about feeling sorry for myself the only things I have to my name is a Tv that is going out, dvd's I don't even have a bed I sleep on a couch that hurts my back my is always hurting because of it. I can't stop smoking so I can't have a phone. I don't see me being able to get my teeth fix. I don't know what to do!!!! I am pretty sure that I will not be able to be online after Sept 25. My niece is the only reason I stay here on earth that I am to scared to do it (so don't worry I not going to do anything) I was babysitting for a friend but she was paying me like $3.00 a day for 2 kids. When I told my aunt she was so pissed off she is the one who told me that she was only paying $3.00 a day I stop then school started.
My sister started talking about moving to Colorado that even sound better then here but I don't see it happening at least not for me! It sounds so beautiful there! I don't saying I am not lazy but that is not why I can't work I get so scared around people and I have a learning disability my highest grade level is 6th don't get me wrong I made it to 11th grade. I dropped out because the fear and they took some of my credits way because two different state two different ways they do the credits it pissed me off so I drop out that and the fear! Well I am stopping here. And again I know I am feeling sorry for myself I just had to get this out!! I pretty sure no one is going to read this but I got it out! For anyone who reads this thank you for listen or reading!
